ariemdreams

I heard today on NPR that in work, we all seek to have a positive influence on someone’s life. no matter what we’re destined to do, like to do or have to do, we all share a need to see the “fruits of our labors”. Whether in the service industry, tech, education or manufacturing, seeing the “product” used is what we all seek on some level.

Deep down we want to know our “customer” is happy with what we did. As for me, I’ve struggled with getting better jobs as I get pushed further away from my “customer”. I truly thrive in the satisfaction of seeing the impact of my work on someone. It’s pushed me into training and public speaking. Both instantly provide me with the feedback of my efforts. It’s a great feeling.

In following my passion, I find that my path must involve people and the personal interaction and sharing of what I have to give.

Years ago, I thought I wanted my own studio to be the boss and have my name on the door. I’ve just realized that I wanted a studio not to be the boss but to have the power to influence people and share what I have to give. This is also the reason I push to create a non-profit tech/art/education entity to fulfill me and ensure that I never “work” again.

is following your heart the same as following your passion. I want to follow my passion. Do what I want to do. Do what I love. Is that following my heart? Does my heart hold my passion?

Is it my heart or my soul that pulls me to do “fulfilling” work? Or “meaningful” work? Are they one in the same?

Whichever it is, I’m gonna follow my passion and do what I believe I am meant to do.

this is me wiping out! at 1:40 in the video. enjoy.BYOBW 2009 wipe out!!

Ken Starr and others are validating Prop 8 due to “the majority should not be overturned” and citing that “we shouldn’t overturn the ‘traditional’ definition of marriage in California because it’s been that way for over 150 years”.

Because many agree, a few can suffer??

So, why is this okay? Many agreed women shouldn’t vote. Many agreed slavery was a good thing. Many agreed “colored” drinking fountains were okay. Many agreed that this should be a white christian nation with a white christian president.

Siding with the majority is a way of not looking at the morality. It’s a way of not seeing others as human.

Regardless of your religious, ethic, economical, racial, gender or cultural background or status - moral is moral and just is just. The famous ‘Letter from a Birmingham Jail’ states,

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere,”

In determining if a law is just the letter further states,

“How does one determine whether a law is just or unjust? A just law is a man-made code that squares with the moral law [or the law of God] (we can discuss God later). An unjust law is a code that is out of harmony with the moral law. To put it in terms of St. Thomas Aquinas: An unjust law is a human law that is not rooted in eternal law and natural law. Any law that uplifts the human personality is just. Any law that degrades human personality is unjust.”

The law is controversial, yes. The law is civil and religious.

The question is …. is it just?

it’s always fascinating how powerful a word is when it’s used in it’s most sincere form. it’s true that overusing a word can lessen it’s meaning. Not that using a word too much will remove the meaning from the word, rather it will lessen the sincerity.

The word I’m referring to is sorry. For the last few days it’s been a little tense around the house with work, home and kid issues. Sometimes, it’s been so tense that I’d busy myself with other parts of home so they don’t add to the stress. Sometimes, it’d get so bad that I’d think “That this can’t be right”, “I don’t get it” or “If I did that it’d be a different story”.

My personality always allows me time to reflect and analyze. I’ve never been one to quickly react to a situation. In our house that is a much better thing than not. If both of us were reactionary - whoo! Who knows what would’ve happened over these 16, 17 years.

But back to the word “sorry”. So yesterday in my protector/provider mode I got Marcy’s feel good food (broccolli prawn in white garlic sauce - hold the prawn), her feel good activity (3 MegaMillions lotto tickets) and some feel better beverage (ginger ale) because she went home early with a migraine and nausea.

Today, I took a miniature rose bush and tulips (her fav) to her job this morning before I went in to work. Of course she smiled. But later she sends a text saying: “I know I’m not always the easiest to life with. I’m sorry”

and with that last line, all the stress and pain and day-to-day hub-bub is gone leaving her saying to me that she appreciates me and loves me.

… and she loves that I love her for her.

heard this song in Starbucks and wanted it and found this: LOUIS JORDAN - CALDONIA (1940′S)

that’s a great version. and then I found this
on YouTube:

I have a wife who is always right. ALL-ways right!!!

I have a wife that is years ahead of me grammatically and academically.

I have a wife who runs rings around me when it comes to awareness (hers and mine - don’t tell her I said so).

I have a wife who can simultaneously “discuss” what I did … why I did it … why I would have done it differently if she was there … why she says I’m acting like my father … why I get it from my mother … why it’s draining to keep going through this with me … why we never get anywhere and why I didn’t say sorry 15 minutes ago!!!! All before I can remember what I did. My head spins and I need to sit down. She hates when she does that and I have a blank look on my face when she’s done. I can’t help it, sometimes I’m dazed. It’s kinda like sparring with someone who jabs your face 5 times before you even think of raising your glove.

Marcy is one the most powerful forces in my life. She is a force that helps me be me. She helped me get to where I am. And in all of that, she drives me crazy.

How can she do all that? How can she be all that? Is it me? It’s like I married Wonder Woman and I’m the guy in the mailroom. It drives me crazy!!

Daughters make you violent!! anyone who knows me knows I’m very laid back and easy going. I got married at 23. I had three daughters by 1995. And those four ladies have been the very best thing that has happened to me. Now to the crazy and violent part…

When the girls were little, I was the proudest poppa. Watching them grow. Seeing my personality coming through. Seeing Marcy’s personality come through. Seeing their own personality come through.

Now that my youngest is 11, I live in a household of women. And yes, I’ve always been in a house full of women, but then it was different. Then, they were my sisters. Then, they were my comrades. Then, we would hit each other and laugh and play. Then, I wasn’t raising girls and protecting them from boys and men. Then, I was a child.

Now, I’m in a household with three daughters and my wife. Now, it’s completely different. Now, I have budding women who don’t see what I see. Now, I have spaghetti straps over bare shoulders on a summer day that are cute in the catalog, but on my daughter they look better with a shawl (or a raincoat). Now, I have little women looking at me like I’m short!! Now, I have little people whose names are not on the lease looking at me like they pay rent and I don’t. Now, I have big bundles of emotion walking around. Now, I have tears when my voice raises.

So why violent?
As my daughters get older and become young women and more and more thoughts and desires are brought out in the open, I realize the vast population and circumstances that I’m protecting them from. I realize that everyone - EVERYONE - has the potential to harm them in one way or another. So my job as protector has been added to my job as daddy, mentor, teacher, friend and guide. Protecting them from illness, disease and falling down was the easy part. Making sure that NO ONE harms their innocence, making sure that no one assaults their being, making sure that no one “touches” them stirs something in me that I’ve only seen in movies. It stirs a deep, dark desire to annihilate anyone that thinks of harming any one of them. It has me planning to retaliate violently to anyone who harms them. It surprised me and felt natural all at the same time. It’s seems fine to want to take the life of, scare, hurt and/or harm anyone who assaults any part of my daughters at all.

Sometimes I can’t speak. I get real quiet (as if I’m not already) and plan what I’d do. Sometimes, I just walk behind my daughters in the mall and plan to slice anyone who even gestures towards them. Sometimes.

It’s crazy what thoughts come to mind being a father of daughters. Although I have a general sense that everything will be alright. That it’ll all work out. I still have thoughts of what if. I still have thoughts of what I’d do if someone was to ever, ever, e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ever……