Daughters make you violent!! anyone who knows me knows I’m very laid back and easy going. I got married at 23. I had three daughters by 1995. And those four ladies have been the very best thing that has happened to me. Now to the crazy and violent part…
When the girls were little, I was the proudest poppa. Watching them grow. Seeing my personality coming through. Seeing Marcy’s personality come through. Seeing their own personality come through.
Now that my youngest is 11, I live in a household of women. And yes, I’ve always been in a house full of women, but then it was different. Then, they were my sisters. Then, they were my comrades. Then, we would hit each other and laugh and play. Then, I wasn’t raising girls and protecting them from boys and men. Then, I was a child.
Now, I’m in a household with three daughters and my wife. Now, it’s completely different. Now, I have budding women who don’t see what I see. Now, I have spaghetti straps over bare shoulders on a summer day that are cute in the catalog, but on my daughter they look better with a shawl (or a raincoat). Now, I have little women looking at me like I’m short!! Now, I have little people whose names are not on the lease looking at me like they pay rent and I don’t. Now, I have big bundles of emotion walking around. Now, I have tears when my voice raises.
So why violent?
As my daughters get older and become young women and more and more thoughts and desires are brought out in the open, I realize the vast population and circumstances that I’m protecting them from. I realize that everyone - EVERYONE - has the potential to harm them in one way or another. So my job as protector has been added to my job as daddy, mentor, teacher, friend and guide. Protecting them from illness, disease and falling down was the easy part. Making sure that NO ONE harms their innocence, making sure that no one assaults their being, making sure that no one “touches” them stirs something in me that I’ve only seen in movies. It stirs a deep, dark desire to annihilate anyone that thinks of harming any one of them. It has me planning to retaliate violently to anyone who harms them. It surprised me and felt natural all at the same time. It’s seems fine to want to take the life of, scare, hurt and/or harm anyone who assaults any part of my daughters at all.
Sometimes I can’t speak. I get real quiet (as if I’m not already) and plan what I’d do. Sometimes, I just walk behind my daughters in the mall and plan to slice anyone who even gestures towards them. Sometimes.
It’s crazy what thoughts come to mind being a father of daughters. Although I have a general sense that everything will be alright. That it’ll all work out. I still have thoughts of what if. I still have thoughts of what I’d do if someone was to ever, ever, e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ever……
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